Glimpses

Ahh...the weeks come and go and for the past few days I've been happy. Happy, smiling and laughing. There are still moments of overwhelming pain at the loss of Zion and my arms still ache to hold my son, but God has given us glimpses of hope and promise, filled us with peace and surrounded us with continual love.

Yesterday Seth and I headed to NE Iowa to attend the UNI vs. SDSU football game. My dad and many aunts, uncles and cousins attended SDSU and my mom, brother and I went to UNI so we've made a family tradition of going to the game. As we were driving, clouds filled the sky and I happen to glance up and notice a great big cloud that seemed a little darker than the rest...I did a double take and upon second glance saw a baby formed in the cloud...the exact replica of an ultrasound picture of a baby. I couldn't believe my eyes...I stared and finally said to Seth, "Do you see this cloud." I didn't even point the cloud out and he said, "The one that looks like a baby?" We just sat there in silence knowing that our sons were watching over us and that cloud held a promise. A GLIMPSE of children to come, our children, our future baby. Earlier in the week we had taken the first of many steps down the path to more Lorntson children. The details are still on hold...wait for the news :) I couldn't stop smiling and thanking God for sending such a wonderful GLIMPSE and reminder of our precious sons.

We met up with my mom, dad, brother, uncle, aunts and cousin and spent the day talking, laughing and watching football. The entire way home I couldn't stop thinking about family. What a wonderful blessing family is and what a great GLIMPSE of God's love for us. No matter what's going on in life, no matter where you are...family is there with their unconditional love and support. We don't all share the same values, have the same talents, share religious beliefs, make the same amount of money, we're all at different places in life and we all have different priorities, but we all love each other. I thought about everything we've gone through with Zion and how being with family brings an aura of peace an overwhelming sense that, "It's OK." A powerful feeling of love that can't be beat or taken away. I pray that each and every person has a sense of family and can enjoy that love. If not, feel free to join mine :) I went to bed last night happy! Really, truly happy, hopeful and refreshed! I was so thankful for the GLIMPSES of hope and heaven!

We have been fervently praying for a house, knowing exactly what we want and knowing timing is everything and there is a good chance we'd have to settle for something. In my last blog I mentioned we wanted a ranch house in Gilbert and shortly after that I received 2 leads on houses that weren't for sale yet, but might be coming up. We immediately moved on one and LOVE it! It's perfect in every way and we have (informally) worked out a great scenario for selling our house/buying theirs, etc. I don't sleep at night because I'm so excited about this house! Now, the current owners had been fixing up the house and in the meantime found another house so their is work left to be done, oddly enough Seth is a carpenter so it'd be great for us. We were going to go to Lowe's today to scope out some tile, etc. and somehow, some time along the way the clouds rolled in and Satan attacked! We had been walking through the details of getting the house, etc. and the question arose - what if we don't sell our house on time? My mind flew and before I knew it I was balling telling Seth to go home! We weren't going to get the house! It won't work out! I think Seth was a little shocked at my sudden change of heart and persisted we still go to Lowe's but I got more and more upset and we finally headed home. Somehow along the way a fight ensued, emotions were high and before I knew it we were both crying, driving home and not knowing why. I called my mom who was able to calm me down and remind me that we are still on an emotional roller coaster. Of course, because of what happened with Zion, we are going to assume things won't work out, negativity is going to out way positivity. I kept telling myself that this house was God's answer to prayer, handed to us on a silver platter...what could go wrong? But all the sudden I remembered being secure with being pregnant and that being taken away. Would God dangle something that appeared "perfect" in front of us and then take it away? It had happened before. My heart was involved and I had let myself trust again...it scared me. Granted, it's just a house...but the principle is the same. I prayed and prayed and insisted Satan get out of my life and that God would fill me again and before long we were at a place of peace again. The fact remains there are NO guarantees in life...NONE. But sometimes, you take a leap of faith, you have to trust and when you really want something...do something about it. I am going to choose to not let Satan take joy and faith away from me and as we head down the path to a new house, a fresh start and more children I'm working on trusting again...knowing that God holds my heart, that He hears my cries and wants the very best for me. That doesn't mean I'll get my way, but that means it'll be worth it. So you know, though it was a rough day I am thankful for another GLIMPSE of the love of family, importance of trust and faith and the strength of a good marriage.

Please pray that God would provide a buyer for our house ASAP!
Please pray God would bless the journey and prepare us for more babies!!!!! :)

Please take time to enjoy your family, look at the clouds and GLIMPSE heaven! Let your heart trust and be positive! Don't let Satan take your joy!