Ladies and Gentlemen...WELCOME TO SIX FLAGS!!!

Oh! Wait! No. Nevermind. That's just my crazy life! They seem to have much in common: it's (life, mine anyway:) like a roller coaster with it ups that get the adrenaline going and the downs that make your heart sink. Violent turns and dark tunnels that always turn into light again. It's like a tilt-a-whirl or the teacups, spinning out of control. Am I up? Down? Left? Right? As an army of people stand and watch me spin out of control. Eventually, the ride stops and after a few stumbles you can stand straight again. It's like the little kid begging for some cotton candy...sometimes I just wanna scream and throw a fit cause I don't get what I want but eventually move on and realize it's probably for the best. And at the end of the day...you're tired!

I can not believe it's already mid October and each day is another day closer to October 27th, which is the day we had set to be induced. Though I think that will be a day of great sadness and mourning (like many others) we are feeling very differently than we had been just a month ago. We are filled with hope again and rejoicing that our sons are in their perfect home! Our eyes are now open to the future and anxious to see how God will use their precious lives to bring glory to Him.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, which perhaps you didn't know because the sea of pink ribbons for Breast Cancer blinded your vision. I mean I'm ALL FOR finding a cure for breast cancer (and ALL cancer, of that matter) but the pink garbage cans are an indication that we are all very aware of breast cancer. Don't get me wrong, if we had garbage service I would have been first in line for a pink garbage can. Perhaps, I'm a little bitter because while we talk freely about such things as cancer, heart attacks, car accidents, etc. it seems the subject of pregnancy and infant loss is a bit taboo. It wasn't until after we had lost Elijah that many dear friends came forward about their losses too. There are SO many people who suffer the loss of a pregnancy or baby and SO many who never get to properly grieve because they can't talk about it. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this over the past few weeks and have come up with a few thoughts: I think a lot of the reason the subject is so taboo is because of the big debate of life and when does life start? To many, a pregnancy isn't even a life so of course, it's no big deal. To many, if you don't KNOW the baby it should be easy to deal with. Well let me tell you...any married woman who has taken a positive pregnancy test knows that there is life inside of her. She immediately begins planning her unborn child's future and has hopes and dreams for her baby. It's real, it's a baby! And when you go in for an ultrasound at 8 weeks and hear a very clear heartbeat...that's a real baby! And from that moment on, you spend every second of your life getting to know that baby. And now matter how you look at it: we have buried 2 children, we have planned 2 funerals for our children, we have chosen 2 headstones, we visit our children at the cemetery...that's nothing to be overlooked. My heart breaks for all those who feel they can't talk about their loss and aren't surrounded by the wonderful support we have. I feel called to create awareness!!! Not for ourselves, but to bring to light the value of precious lives lost each day and the grieving families whose dreams are crushed. To create awareness that pregnancy and parenting is not something that should be taken for granted. As we have spent the last couple months praying about what to do next, we have been forced to balance our check books and itemize what we can live without so that we can fund the process of having more children. We've had to compare costs of adoption vs. surrogacy. Do you know what that feels like? Do you know how it feels to think that your dreams could be stolen because you don't have $25,000 on hand? Do you know what it feels like to have to process all that when everyone around you is able to have kids "normally?" I spent many nights crying my eyes out at the thought of not having more kids because we lack an enormous savings account. Praise the Lord, we are blessed with a family who would not let that happen. But it started me thinking about all the people that are faced with infertility/cannot carry children and how many people have to kiss their dreams of being a parent goodbye because of the costs. So...here's my mission:

There had been talk of doing a fundraiser to help us with the next phase of Lorntson babies: Operation Lorntson Babies, we shall call it :) So I was thinking about that...and had an idea. So say there is a fundraiser for Operation Lorntson Babies in which we need to raise $25,000. Anything above that could be rolled into a new account. A fund. A fund which would continue to grow and go to help people struggling to become parents pay for adoption or IVF treatments. It could turn into a whole organization. We could go around speaking to people/events to raise money and AWARENESS of the reality of pregnancy and infant loss as well as infertility. We would name said organization something clever after Elijah and Zion and would use the organization to get into topics such as teen pregnancy and pro life. We would change the world...even if all we ever do is provide enough money for 1 family to go through IVF or if 1 person hears our story and comes to know Christ or begins to see the value of life in a new light. I get giddy just thinking about it. I have NO idea how to start, where to being, who to talk to or anything, but I know God has planted a seed in my heart and I am praying he will do the same for others and pave the way to change the world, on behalf of my precious sons and to the glory of God! WHO'S WITH ME!?!?!?!?

The roller coaster continues as we wait for word on the house situation. I lay awake every night dreaming about this house and praying that God would bless the situation and I believe He will. At this point we are waiting for word on a final price and as we all know...I am REALLY GOOD at waiting. Hence, the no sleep :) Sooo we wait and trust. The same is true with our path to Lorntson Babies. The word is still not public yet, but a process has begun (a lenghty one, indeed).

And during the level, even stretches on this crazy roller coaster there is Seth, the laid back, football watching, loves to eat, carpenter who we look to as our leader and support. There is Sonya, the social bug, loves to laugh, tries to maintain order, mom. There is Grace. Our everything. The light in each day, the reminder of God's power and hope. She's almost 2.5 now and most days I stare at her and beg her to stop growing so fast. She can count to 10 in English and mostly Spanish (thank you, Dora). She can tell you about the seasons. Winter=snow, summer=hot, fall=leaves fall, spring=rain. She, though stubborn as can be with a temper that is hard to match, has a super sweet personality and always hugs her dance and tumble teacher and is always up for a kiss. She loves to tell you how much she misses you and talks about "my friends" all the time. She is good about using her manners and especially loves to "Bless You" if you sneeze. She is LOVING volleyball games and can't wait till she gets bigger so it can be her turn to play. Though she thinks all sporting events are baseball games (thanks Emmy:). Ah, I could go on for days about my precious daughter...but if you've met her you know how awesome she is :) hehe!

I would apologize that my blogs are always so long but you know me...and you still opened it so your loss :)