Ask and you shall recieve...

Well the requests have been flooding in for a Lorntson family blog and I'm happy to report that I'm here to make all your dreams come true!

I was on a blogging hiatus for quite sometime because I didn't want to write another negative post, so I thought I'd wait until I had something positive to say. Buuuuuttt...I got nothing.

So we are back in our "old house" now and are happy to be home. We were HOPING to start remodeling this month, however, as hope would have it in our case...it's not going to happen. Through a series of stupid & unnecessary circumstances we can not do work on the house until (hopefully) spring. Yet another jab in our still bleeding wounds. And here comes the drama....I don't even care so much about not being able to work on the house, I don't really care about the THINGS we have lost this year or the THINGS that haven't gone our way. It's more the constant stream of things not working out that has gotten me down. I'd confidently say that this has been the worst 10 months of my life (Seth feels the same). From Zion to houses/moving to applying for insurance to refinancing our house to switching cell phone companies...EVERYTHING has been negative and complicated. I don't want to answer my phone or check my email because I feel like there will be another bout of negativity looming, another rejection or complicated version of what we hoped would happen. Again, it's not the things that have me down - we have a house, cars, AMAZING family and friends, a successful business, a miracle daughter and anyTHING we could probably want...but you can only be knocked down so many times before you just can't get up anymore. I'm a fighter and I don't have the energy to fight anymore. I feel like God pushed us into a big hole. Sometimes he comes to check on us, throws us a rope and just when we get so close to reach it, He pulls it back and walks away. ***Nobody panic here and put your sermons away, I KNOW that isn't the way God works but MAN! We were trying to be so diligent in letting God be in charge of our lives. Welp, that led us down a series of failed endeavors. But, hey! Tomorrow is a new day and we know God is capable of miracles...however, I'm not asking for one cause...well...I can't handle more dissapointment right now.

Poor us I know, right? :) Let's move on to the more upbeat part of the blog, eh?

Here are my latest qualms with life:

#1. I am again going to bring up rug pads. My bathroom rugs are sliding all over the place and it is rather frustrating. I don't understand why they don't make rugs with the rug pad already attached. I mean, who WANTS their rug to move all over!?!?

#2. I am going to pull out my liberal card with a shocking proposal. I am suggesting we ban thank you notes. Think about the times in life you have to write thank you's. Graduation, wedding, babies...all times in your life where you do NOT have time to write hundreds of half (if that) hearted, cliche messages to people, knowing that they will open it, read it and toss it in the trash. Waste of time and money if you ask me. If you give someone a gift don't you assume they are going to be thankful? If you don't think someone would be thankful then don't get them a gift! A simple text message or phone call with a "Hey! Thanks for thinking of me." Would more than suffice for me. Who's with me!??!!?!

#3. You know those word verification boxes you have to type in when you log on to your prison email? No? Oh, well they also have them for purchasing concert tickets or various things. It's supposedly for secreity reasons...is that because criminals can't see real good? ;) I don't understand how that helps...enlighten me.

#4. I suggest watching America's Got Talent. Good, clean, harmless laughs and it makes for great conversation. I would not recommend the Bachelorette (though I do watch it).

#5. Flip flops for kids under the age of 10 should not be allowed. They do NO good. They cause more spills, scraped knees, fits at the park because there are "rocks in my shoes!" blisters between toes that cause infection/blood poisoning. Bleh! Save the drama. I would recommend Crocs. Easy to put on, can get wet, easy to clean, closed toe to save on tripping, comfortable, affordable, cute (some of them:). Can't go wrong.

Moving on to "highlights of life with my 3 year old daughter" portion:

*Today was the day. Grace pulled out the, "You're not my mommy!" card. Just the beginning of 1,000's more to come I'm sure. I'm SOOO looking forward to her teen years!
*The other night Grace yells from her bed, "Mom! I want a customer to come sleep with me." Again, looking forward to the teen years.
*I may have cried a time or two in the last week. Both times Grace caught me, climbed up to my face, started me down, started stroking my hair saying, "Shh...don't cry mommy. It's OK. Don't need to cry." Once she sang, "Don't cry in your bed. Don't be sad, in your bed." Though my favorite was, "It's ok mommy! You can just get up and play with me!"

*She has also been sharing a story about a time her and I went to the forest and saw a bunny.

*Whenever she does something she's not supposed to do she tilts her head to the side, looks at me and says, "That's alright mommy. That's alright I do that."

*Grace started a 2 week session of dance classes yesterday, swimming lessons next month and soccer camp in August. Yes, she has more of a life than I ever did.

Oh golly, I'm sure there are tons more things but it is 2:44am and I may have to resort to Ambien CR for some sleep tonight. And now that you've gotten to read a blog from the Lorntson's you can sleep easy too!

God Speed (what does that mean, btw?)

When the family is away...

...I will find time to blog...

Indeed, it has been quite a while since the last blog and, as you can imagine, a lot has happened. Please, allow me to enlighten you.

Seth and Grace (along with Sissy, Jack and Brooklyn) are visiting great grandpa in MN. I, of course, stayed home in case the baby decided to arrive. After a month of watching two additional 3yr old girls...I was much looking forward to the "break." The silence has been amazing and the house is sparkling clean! Laundry caught up, errands ran, nap taken, mani/pedi tomorrow...yep, it's been a treat. However, I am REALLY ready for them to be back now!!!

So yes, I watched two girls this past month while their parents finished up their school year. 3, 3 year old girls = well...a lot of things. LOTS of laughs, lots of milk, cat fights, LOTS of questions, Princess dresses and dolls galore and one tired Sonya! It really was tiring but I enjoyed it. The girls made me laugh a TON and Grace loved having someone her age to play with. Katie and Lauren will be coming back in the fall when school starts again too!

Seth has been busy lining up summer projects and trying to figure out how to balance work and his demanding wife :) He does a great job...he's quite the guy! And I'm telling you...he's getting funnier and funnier!

So, we moved. Again. Basically our house was not selling and the owners of the home we were hoping to buy started feeling the heat of having to close the deal. So, we decided to move back to our "old" house which is about to become our "new and improved" house. At first we were both really upset and just felt lke another dissapointment had found its way into our lives. But once we got back into our "old" house, it felt like home (at least I thought so...Seth is still working on it). We are settled in and ready for this new baby to come along. We've decided to make this house work and therefore, we are going to be doing some remodeling/adding on. The plans are all underway, we hit the bank Thursday and start knockin down some walls Friday. That's my plan...Seth says that is not the correct order of events for such project. I will post pics periodically to monitor the progress of "Operation Old House Transformation" (OOHT) for your viewing pleasure.

So...Grace...Yes, THIS Grace-------> turns THREE on Friday! THREE!?!?! Are you kidding me?!?! I can NOT believe the time has gone this fast and with each day she becomes more and more of a blessing. I am so unbelievably proud to be her mommy! She also says that I'm her best friend and I always will be. She also wants to marry me though...or Jesus. I can see how that would be a tough choice :) Grace has been very clear for a couple months now that for her birthday she would like a Princess scooter, a helmet and a Princess horn (easy enough). She also shared she wanted to have a purple party with purple polka dots. Well, someone at Hobby Lobby heard her cause they were all set with purple polka dot paper plates and napkins :) Along with the fact that her gamma/Oma will be here...she is pretty darn excited about this gig! She also knows that after her birthday she gets a baby brother AND she gets to do a dance class. What a life, eh? Oh Grace, the light of my life!

Baby....baby? Baby! Haven't heard much from Jennifer lately. She is waiting to be transferred to Oakdale so that when she goes into labor she can go to U of I hospitals. She isn't thrilled about being there, apparently there is less freedom. She says she has made is clear to the baby that they aren't to be there long :) When we last visited her (a week ago) she had just seen the dr. and he said he didn't think it would be much longer. So...I'm very patiently waiting :) But, since it's 2:14am...the honesty is pouring out and...I gotta say...I've been struggling. I go back and forth between moments of sheer thrill and excitement to crying my eyes out trying to fight a feeling that it's all going to go terribly wrong. I'm struggling with prayer...I feel like I don't know how to talk to God anymore....like if I ask for something it will be taken away, if I say something, the opposite will happen. I love God with all my heart and trust Him as my Lord and Savior...but (much like in marriage) I'm struggling with how to communicate with Him right now. I've been panicking for most of the night tonight assuming something is going to go wrong and that we are going to lose another baby. Everyone says/assumes/thinks "Oh! It'll be just fine! I know it! God wouldn't do that to you." But He might...God is God and he can do whatever He wants. He allows things to happen...ugly things, horrible things. And thanks to sin the in the world there is no bounds to what might be allowed to happen...in which case I guess we can only find peace in the promise that God will bring us through. Anyway, I know...I know...I'm being negative. But this past year it seems that being positive has only led to disappointment and heartache. It's easier this way. I don't know what tomorrow holds. Maybe I'm tired and missing my family. Maybe I'm realistic. Maybe I'm crazy. But...I am tired. So that is my update for today...hopefully next time we'll be talking about the new baby :)

Heaven is for REAL!

As confirmed by 4 year old Colton Burpo in the book called, "Heaven is for Real." Which I would STRONGLY recommend for ANYONE to read! It's cute, uplifting and makes you think! Colton had a life threatening experience and "died" for 3 minutes and over the course of a year or so he describes different events to his parents, who had no idea what happened until they were able to piece his stories together. Precious! Read it! Available at Wal Mart...

Now, I'd much rather picture heaven than real life these days. With so much going on, so much that is NOT in our control...sometimes I just feel like I can't go on. We run 100 steps forward then everything comes to a sudden halt and where we thought God was leading, we start to question. No, don't be alarmed we are still on track for the adoption and foster parent classes, but this house business is getting a little out of hand. Money is getting really tight and without selling our house we can't close on the "new house" and therefore can't pull money out to put in the kitchen or finish the basement...and with the baby coming we've got to get that done. Of course, we knew all this could very well happen and we took the risk willingly...the frustrating part is just that with every single step we were diligent in prayer and waited for God to open a door before going through it. I'm sure there are lessons to learn about trusting God to provide, taking leaps of faith and being patient to the end, etc. But...in the meantime...I just cry a lot and fill my time with crap like the Bachelor to keep my mind occupied. Please, please, please as your begging friend and sister in Christ...PRAY our house sells ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But life goes on and God does provide...sometimes in unbelievable ways. The past few weeks has been a surreal series of events that again prove that there sure is a God and He sure is good! A couple weeks ago we were in MN with our families when we got that call that in fact, Jennifer was going to have...A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Will we finally get our precious earthly son? Stay tuned to find out :) After talking on the phone several times we went to Mitchellville on Sunday to visit Jennifer. Now that was an experience. As we pulled in the parking lot and approached the security building a panic attacked formed in my throat and then a variety of emotions flooded...from laughing to crying to being scared, etc. And that was before we even met Jennifer. We walked into the visiting building and saw a room filled with tables, each with an inmate, other family members and children EVERYWHERE. And that's when the tears came. all these children...visiting their mother...in prison. Made me sad. Grace immediately scampered off to the toys. She found a bucket of blocks and sat down at a table with an inmate and her family. Which I didn't mind at all...except that maybe she was a little TOO comfortable in prison :) Anyway, we met Jennifer and I can't say enough good things about her. I sit there talking to her and can't help but wonder what happened...why she was here. She seems so down to earth, sarcastic, intelligent, etc. She refers to the baby as ours and calls him by the name we said we'd picked for him (which you will know in June:) She walks around with our picture saying, "This is the baby's parents!" When we ask her what she wants to happen after the baby is born she says, "It's your baby! Whatever you guys want! I"m just carrying him." She talks about mistakes she's made and is very aware that she is where she needs to be. She talks about her relationship with the Lord and just beams from ear to ear talking about how excited she is to be able to give us this gift. She sends us cards a couple times a week and sent Grace a special princess card. Again, it's all very surreal...God's fingerprints are all over this and I, for one, can't wait to see how it all pans out. Cautious optimism is our new motto in life. We are certainly excited about this, but aren't jumping to put a crib up! Of course we ask for continual pray that the pregnancy would remain healthy and everything would go smoothly!

That's about all the energy I can muster up for the day...

God bless you, one and all :)

Grace-isms for the week/weeks:
*I laid in her twin bed, 1/2 covered with stuffed animals 1/2 covered with her and me teetering on the edge. Grace grabs my arm and says, "Don't worry mom. I won't let you fall."

*Since her and Seth went to the father/daughter dance at our church one of her favorite past times is putting on a dress and saying, "Dance with me daddy!"

*(GRAPHIC NATURE) Grace points to her Barbie's chest and says in a whisper, "Mommy, what's these? What's these." I said, "Grace you know what that is and it's inappropriate to talk about. You can talk about it with mommy and that is all." Grace: "They're boobs mommy! (hehe) Girls have boobs! (hehe)"

*I've tried to teach her about seasons and we talk about how it rains a lot in spring. We haven't talked about it in quite sometime but today it was rainning and Grace starts yelling, "It's spring mom! It's spring!"

Also...I am PRETTY sure my life would be much easier if she wasn't soooo darn cute. Right? :)

Babies! Babies! Everywhere???

Be careful what you wish for...

I am sure most of you hop on your computer daily to see if there is a Lorntson Family update and it has been killing you that it's been nearly a month since the last one. Well count your blessings because today is your day! And...be careful what you wish for :)

So we are in full swing adoption mode. A stack of papers to fill out, fingerprint cards, background checks, reference letters, home study, essay questions and all....let the games begin...or continue. So, a little over a week ago we got a letter in the mail from Jennifer! It was so great to have our first communication with her and she just expressed her excitement and made sure we knew that she is taking good care of the baby. An excerpt from letter #1:
"I'm not exactly sure what else to write as this is a new area for me! I'm very very excited to be giving you this gift and Jane made me feel comfortable after meeting with you. Oh, I mentioned to Jane that I can have 2 people in the delivery room with me. Sonya, if you'd like to be there as my 2nd person that would be great. Sorry Seth, no men :)"

And then late last week we got a phone call from Jennifer! I was really worried that a phone call would be awkward, but it wasn't at all! She was super bubbly and sounded soooo excited about everything. She was sarcastic/funny and we totally hit it off! She said her ultrasound was supposed to be last week but because of the weather it got postponed. We are anxiously waiting to hear. We didn't get to talk long since they have a phone allowance of sorts, but it was great to hear her voice...it made things so much more real.

Today we got another letter and a really sweet card from her too! Excerpts from letter #2:
"Here is a bit of exciting news, I'm feeling the baby 'flutter' more & more now. It started a couple of days ago. It was very active until I started humming and singing to it. I talk to the baby and so does my roommate. We are constantly telling it he's a BOY! :) I'm trying as I really want to give you a boy!"
Thank you for all the prayers you have passed on to me, maybe they can pray for that appointment too! LOL! I pray for you all also as I'm very blessed to have found your family to give the happiness and love this baby so deserves. I tell people what I'm doing as I consider this baby yours and call you the baby's parents...."

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Right??? I am just in awe of what God is doing through this woman! We are just thrilled and are PATIENTLY awaiting June :)

In the meantime we still have 2 houses to worry about and 1 feisty toddler! A few Grace moments:

--Saturday am she goes in the bathroom, shuts the door and is "hiding from a monster" which apparently actually means pooping pants. I'm getting her cleaned up and she's being all giggly and I said, "Grace, I'm kind of upset that you pooped in your pants." She touches my arm and says, "Oh mom. I'll sing you a song so you feel better. Twinkle twinkle ok? Twinkle, twinkle little star........."

--She was having lunch with a little buddy whom I was watching the other day. They take a few bites and she yells, "STOP! Stop! We need a pray. Dear God, thank you so much a day. Thank you a friends. Amen. Ok, you can eat now."

Just a couple highlights...or I would never stop. She's pretty great! And a bit of a challenge from time to time! :)

Oh, hey, since we don't' have enough going on...we have decided to get our foster care licence! Looong story but when it comes down to it, after a couple random visits with friends who had been or are foster parents, I laid awake one night very aware that that's what we were supposed to do. So, why not jump in feet first, right? We're hoping to start the 10 week series of classes in March. Wooohooo!

So hey, if that didn't fulfill your drama quota for the week, let me know and I'll be happy to load you full of unnecessary drama from my latest addiction, "The Bachelor"

Good night and God speed! :)

Herrrreeeeee we goooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

Update #600793

House(s): We now live in the Jensen house and LOVE it. Rothmoor house still has not sold, please buy it :) We ended up getting a realtor, so we're hopeful that will help...and cost more $. At this point...we just need to get it off our hands so we can move on. I had a brilliant idea that someone could buy it and rent it out....so spread the word!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let's get this done :)

Mayo: We went to Mayo Clinic this past Monday to see a perinatologist to try to get some more answers and a glimpse to the future of our baby making future. Dr. Rose was AMAZING! He was soooo knowledgeable, honest, helpful and compassionate. He said that aside from street drug use, drinking and smoking (which obviously, is me in a nutshell:) there is no rhyme or reason for what happened with Elijah or Zion. He said more often than not it strikes perfectly healthy people for no reason. Therefore, there are really no preventative measures. He said IF I did get pregnant I would need to be seen every week starting at 20 weeks. If my blood pressure started to go back up they would give injections to speed the baby's lung development...but that would only prolong delivery a couple weeks. (Because early onset preeclampsia, as with Elijah) is at least 40% likely to reoccur. So, there is a good chance we could only get to 30 weeks at best...maybe a 3lb baby. Which then presents it's own problems. Then there was the fact that both preecalmpsia and placental abruption are potentially fatal to the mother. After long discussions and thoughts from family and friends....we made the decision to NOT try again...ever. Too risky for my health and the odds of ever having a healthy baby aren't very good. We feel blessed that God gave us the heart for adoption and that we are OK with not having biological children, whereas some people would rather not have kids if they can't have their own. So, we are taking that and going with it. We are still hoping for a surrogacy try someday but for now.................

Adoption: We met with Jane tonight and found out that Jennifer and Jane had decided WE are the couple to adopt Jennifer's baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jane assured us that Jennifer does not want to/nor can she keep the baby and is excited to be able to give us a baby. We had met with our lawyer earlier this week to see what the process would entail. So here goes: we will hire a Certified Adoption Investigator who will meet with/counsel Jennifer and hunt down the birthfather to get his signature. There will be papers to sign...that's about it. We are planning to be at the hospital when the baby is born and bring him/her home then. Jennifer does not want to see the baby or have any contact after it's born. As with Grace's adoption there are a few waiting periods: the birthparents can NOT terminate their rights until 48 hrs. after delivery. Then they have 96 hrs. after that to change their mind...no questions asked. Once that period passes, we should be in the clear. Obviously, we will have a counselor working with her to do everything we can to ensure she won't change her mind. Jennifer is 37 (same age Grace's birthmother was when she had her) so is at a much easier age to handle these kinds of choices. We are optimistic that she won't change her mind. The harder part, for us, is waiting to get through the pregnancy. She is only...maybe 16 weeks along right now and we sure now how things can change. PLEASE, PLEASE join us in praying for Jennifer. For her decision, her mental health and for a health pregnancy. She is due June 17th and will deliver in Iowa City. We are cautiously excited, to say the least. She will have an ultra sound here in the next couple weeks and we'll get to find out the sex of the baby and see pics :)

And so our dramatic story goes....
God bless you for reading this and praying, and joining us on our journey.