Well the requests have been flooding in for a Lorntson family blog and I'm happy to report that I'm here to make all your dreams come true!
I was on a blogging hiatus for quite sometime because I didn't want to write another negative post, so I thought I'd wait until I had something positive to say. Buuuuuttt...I got nothing.
So we are back in our "old house" now and are happy to be home. We were HOPING to start remodeling this month, however, as hope would have it in our case...it's not going to happen. Through a series of stupid & unnecessary circumstances we can not do work on the house until (hopefully) spring. Yet another jab in our still bleeding wounds. And here comes the drama....I don't even care so much about not being able to work on the house, I don't really care about the THINGS we have lost this year or the THINGS that haven't gone our way. It's more the constant stream of things not working out that has gotten me down. I'd confidently say that this has been the worst 10 months of my life (Seth feels the same). From Zion to houses/moving to applying for insurance to refinancing our house to switching cell phone companies...EVERYTHING has been negative and complicated. I don't want to answer my phone or check my email because I feel like there will be another bout of negativity looming, another rejection or complicated version of what we hoped would happen. Again, it's not the things that have me down - we have a house, cars, AMAZING family and friends, a successful business, a miracle daughter and anyTHING we could probably want...but you can only be knocked down so many times before you just can't get up anymore. I'm a fighter and I don't have the energy to fight anymore. I feel like God pushed us into a big hole. Sometimes he comes to check on us, throws us a rope and just when we get so close to reach it, He pulls it back and walks away. ***Nobody panic here and put your sermons away, I KNOW that isn't the way God works but MAN! We were trying to be so diligent in letting God be in charge of our lives. Welp, that led us down a series of failed endeavors. But, hey! Tomorrow is a new day and we know God is capable of miracles...however, I'm not asking for one cause...well...I can't handle more dissapointment right now.
Poor us I know, right? :) Let's move on to the more upbeat part of the blog, eh?
Here are my latest qualms with life:
#1. I am again going to bring up rug pads. My bathroom rugs are sliding all over the place and it is rather frustrating. I don't understand why they don't make rugs with the rug pad already attached. I mean, who WANTS their rug to move all over!?!?
#2. I am going to pull out my liberal card with a shocking proposal. I am suggesting we ban thank you notes. Think about the times in life you have to write thank you's. Graduation, wedding, babies...all times in your life where you do NOT have time to write hundreds of half (if that) hearted, cliche messages to people, knowing that they will open it, read it and toss it in the trash. Waste of time and money if you ask me. If you give someone a gift don't you assume they are going to be thankful? If you don't think someone would be thankful then don't get them a gift! A simple text message or phone call with a "Hey! Thanks for thinking of me." Would more than suffice for me. Who's with me!??!!?!
#3. You know those word verification boxes you have to type in when you log on to your prison email? No? Oh, well they also have them for purchasing concert tickets or various things. It's supposedly for secreity reasons...is that because criminals can't see real good? ;) I don't understand how that helps...enlighten me.
#4. I suggest watching America's Got Talent. Good, clean, harmless laughs and it makes for great conversation. I would not recommend the Bachelorette (though I do watch it).
#5. Flip flops for kids under the age of 10 should not be allowed. They do NO good. They cause more spills, scraped knees, fits at the park because there are "rocks in my shoes!" blisters between toes that cause infection/blood poisoning. Bleh! Save the drama. I would recommend Crocs. Easy to put on, can get wet, easy to clean, closed toe to save on tripping, comfortable, affordable, cute (some of them:). Can't go wrong.
Moving on to "highlights of life with my 3 year old daughter" portion:
*Today was the day. Grace pulled out the, "You're not my mommy!" card. Just the beginning of 1,000's more to come I'm sure. I'm SOOO looking forward to her teen years!
*The other night Grace yells from her bed, "Mom! I want a customer to come sleep with me." Again, looking forward to the teen years.
*I may have cried a time or two in the last week. Both times Grace caught me, climbed up to my face, started me down, started stroking my hair saying, "Shh...don't cry mommy. It's OK. Don't need to cry." Once she sang, "Don't cry in your bed. Don't be sad, in your bed." Though my favorite was, "It's ok mommy! You can just get up and play with me!"
*The other night Grace yells from her bed, "Mom! I want a customer to come sleep with me." Again, looking forward to the teen years.
*I may have cried a time or two in the last week. Both times Grace caught me, climbed up to my face, started me down, started stroking my hair saying, "Shh...don't cry mommy. It's OK. Don't need to cry." Once she sang, "Don't cry in your bed. Don't be sad, in your bed." Though my favorite was, "It's ok mommy! You can just get up and play with me!"
*She has also been sharing a story about a time her and I went to the forest and saw a bunny.
*Whenever she does something she's not supposed to do she tilts her head to the side, looks at me and says, "That's alright mommy. That's alright I do that."
*Grace started a 2 week session of dance classes yesterday, swimming lessons next month and soccer camp in August. Yes, she has more of a life than I ever did.
Oh golly, I'm sure there are tons more things but it is 2:44am and I may have to resort to Ambien CR for some sleep tonight. And now that you've gotten to read a blog from the Lorntson's you can sleep easy too!
God Speed (what does that mean, btw?)
Oh, sweet Sonya!
ReplyDeleteI hear ya. While my life struggles aren't the same, I hear ya. This past week has been H.A.R.D. Whoever said marriage doesn't fix things is right... Not to say that I don't love marriage, I do. But the whole moving 2000 miles away from your friends and family into a city of a million people that is 0% humidity and reaches a 100+ degrees all summer long, with no job...UM, that's the part I don't like. Oh yes, and not having a job and wondering when I will and how we'll make it all work.
Yes, I know exactly what it feels like when you are depending on God for everything and yet wondering if He really will deliver. When you want to ask for the world, but you know that He doesn't have to give you any of it...and when people keep telling you to just have faith because 'it'll all work out.' And the voice of doubt says, "yeah BUT..."
I know you're not a Catholic, but this week I've found the prayer of St.Therese very helpful in encouraging me to just keep on asking for what we need and expecting the LOVE OF CHRIST to FLOW in our hearts. That's the thing about presenting our needs - we present them and ask Him to take care of the details, while we expect Him to show up IN us. Present your needs and just expect Him to overflow with love in you...
This week, I have seen more glimmers of hope than the last two and my love is abounding more than it was.
I love you. I have seen God do many amazing things in and through you, and know that He is right now. He has met your needs, time and again...He is faithful to His covenant and commitment to us, even when we feel faithless.