I'm Thankful?

Sure.

As Thanksgiving was closing in on us I couldn't stop thinking about Zion and how I should have been packing up all the goodies a newborn needs, for his first trip to NE Iowa. I thought about our house that is not selling and getting harder and harder to keep clean. I thought about this baby, growing in a mother's tummy while she's in prison. I thought about how badly I want that baby to be part of our family and how little control I have over that. I was having a hard time being thankful. Yes, I KNOW...I have a house, food, clothes, an amazing family and friends, Seth has a job, we certainly don't lack any material things. But those aren't the things that are important anyway, right? I kind of feel as though we're frozen in this mid-leap state. So much of our life right now is hanging in the balance of something we have no control over. Will our house sell? Are we putting so much work and time into this new house in vain? Will this mother choose us to raise her baby? Will we have more children through surrogacy? Will I lose my mind trying to figure this all out? Probably, though it's not really for me to figure out. All I can do is hang on to my faith and wait. That's not so easy. The thing is, this could all work out SO wonderfully but it could also all go very poorly and based on our recent past, I'm stuck in the negative realm of assuming it will turn out badly. So, I guess I'm most thankful for my faith. I'm thankful for the road that led me to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, because without that, I really might find nothing to give thanks for this year. But because of Jesus I have hope and I am clinging to the promises of peace and good. Sometimes, that's all you can do. Sometimes, even that is hard.

In other news: Anyone want a dog? We got Hammer just a couple weeks after Zion passed away and I'm thinking that was an emotional decision. We had our puppy, Bella when we lost Elijah and I was thankful she was there to keep me company and cuddle on my lap. I think I was just hoping for that again, maybe a puppy would ease the pain? Welp, let me tell you what...I was WRONG! Hammer is actually a really good dog and super cute :) But the mix of a 2.5 year old/moody girl and a puppy is enough to put me over the edge. Grace spends most of the day antagonizing Hammer until he nips at her, at which point she kicks him, cries and throws him outside. Hammer comes back in and the cycle repeats. Constant whining from one or the other. I suppose this is much like having 2 kids, however, I don't like Hammer. We never really bonded so I don't really like him and see him as more of a pain in the butt than anything. Yes, I know I am a cold, heartless person, please forgive me! I admit it was a mistake, based on emotion. It happens...right? Plus, when we got Hammer we didn't know we'd be moving (hopefully) to a house with ALL new flooring, new furniture, no fence, etc. So anyway, Hammer who is a 5 month old Shorkie could really use a new home. If you have any interest, please let me know and I'll give you details. Also, please forgive me and don't judge me :)

We don't know much more about this pending adoption but really ask for prayers. I'm trying my hardest not to think about it and am even having a hard time praying about it because I'm so guarded and scared. So, I'm relying on the prayers of others for this one :) We hope to meet with the Pastor and the mother's friend, Jane here in a couple weeks. PRAY PRAY PRAY!

Grace is HILARIOUS! She's been talking a ton lately and making sense too. Some of my fave quotes.

The other day when Seth came out of our room ready for church: "Ooo, daddy handsome!"

I was laying in bed with her the other night and my stomach growled. (Gasp!) "Mommy! That come out of your bottom? Say cuse me!"

Talking to Hammer about having a party. I asked her what the party was for: "JESUS!!!"

I put her Vikings shirt on her the other day: "Oh! My team shirt! Go Bikings!"

Oh, there's lots more but that's what I remember right now.

That's all I got for now. Trying to get Christmas presents finished up, keep up with 2 houses and 1 moody toddler. I guess when it comes down to it I don't have much to complain about.