Sure.
As Thanksgiving was closing in on us I couldn't stop thinking about Zion and how I should have been packing up all the goodies a newborn needs, for his first trip to NE Iowa. I thought about our house that is not selling and getting harder and harder to keep clean. I thought about this baby, growing in a mother's tummy while she's in prison. I thought about how badly I want that baby to be part of our family and how little control I have over that. I was having a hard time being thankful. Yes, I KNOW...I have a house, food, clothes, an amazing family and friends, Seth has a job, we certainly don't lack any material things. But those aren't the things that are important anyway, right? I kind of feel as though we're frozen in this mid-leap state. So much of our life right now is hanging in the balance of something we have no control over. Will our house sell? Are we putting so much work and time into this new house in vain? Will this mother choose us to raise her baby? Will we have more children through surrogacy? Will I lose my mind trying to figure this all out? Probably, though it's not really for me to figure out. All I can do is hang on to my faith and wait. That's not so easy. The thing is, this could all work out SO wonderfully but it could also all go very poorly and based on our recent past, I'm stuck in the negative realm of assuming it will turn out badly. So, I guess I'm most thankful for my faith. I'm thankful for the road that led me to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, because without that, I really might find nothing to give thanks for this year. But because of Jesus I have hope and I am clinging to the promises of peace and good. Sometimes, that's all you can do. Sometimes, even that is hard.
In other news: Anyone want a dog? We got Hammer just a couple weeks after Zion passed away and I'm thinking that was an emotional decision. We had our puppy, Bella when we lost Elijah and I was thankful she was there to keep me company and cuddle on my lap. I think I was just hoping for that again, maybe a puppy would ease the pain? Welp, let me tell you what...I was WRONG! Hammer is actually a really good dog and super cute :) But the mix of a 2.5 year old/moody girl and a puppy is enough to put me over the edge. Grace spends most of the day antagonizing Hammer until he nips at her, at which point she kicks him, cries and throws him outside. Hammer comes back in and the cycle repeats. Constant whining from one or the other. I suppose this is much like having 2 kids, however, I don't like Hammer. We never really bonded so I don't really like him and see him as more of a pain in the butt than anything. Yes, I know I am a cold, heartless person, please forgive me! I admit it was a mistake, based on emotion. It happens...right? Plus, when we got Hammer we didn't know we'd be moving (hopefully) to a house with ALL new flooring, new furniture, no fence, etc. So anyway, Hammer who is a 5 month old Shorkie could really use a new home. If you have any interest, please let me know and I'll give you details. Also, please forgive me and don't judge me :)
We don't know much more about this pending adoption but really ask for prayers. I'm trying my hardest not to think about it and am even having a hard time praying about it because I'm so guarded and scared. So, I'm relying on the prayers of others for this one :) We hope to meet with the Pastor and the mother's friend, Jane here in a couple weeks. PRAY PRAY PRAY!
Grace is HILARIOUS! She's been talking a ton lately and making sense too. Some of my fave quotes.
The other day when Seth came out of our room ready for church: "Ooo, daddy handsome!"
I was laying in bed with her the other night and my stomach growled. (Gasp!) "Mommy! That come out of your bottom? Say cuse me!"
Talking to Hammer about having a party. I asked her what the party was for: "JESUS!!!"
I put her Vikings shirt on her the other day: "Oh! My team shirt! Go Bikings!"
Oh, there's lots more but that's what I remember right now.
That's all I got for now. Trying to get Christmas presents finished up, keep up with 2 houses and 1 moody toddler. I guess when it comes down to it I don't have much to complain about.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The plot thickens...
My mom keeps pleading with me to try to keep our lives on a more even keel... BUT when you live by faith (or at try to) that isn't in your control. We apparently prefer things REALLY high or REALLY low...no in between.
A couple of days ago someone asked us if we would consider adopting again, OF COURSE WE WOULD!!!!!!!!!! We called the Pastor who had the information and know the following: there is a woman going to prison who is 1-2 months pregnant and looking for someone to adopt her baby...don't know much more than that. Doesn't matter, we've jumped on the opportunity and so we will meet with the Pastor and the birthmother's friend here in a few weeks who will pass info along and then the birthmother will choose a couple to adopt her baby. Of course we are jumping out of our skin, giddy, can't sleep excited about this opportunity and are super anxious to see what God has in store. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for this situation. Pray that, (God willing) the Pastor, Jane (bm's friend) and birthmother would see the love we have for children and they would trust us with this precious life. Pray for the birthmother too, she has a lot to deal with and no matter her past deserves love and prayer. I'm crying my eyes out as I write this, in awe of God's provision and splendor at just the thought of being able to adopt again. Next to our bed we have a shelf with a picture of each of our precious angel boys. I look at Elijah's picture and I see Grace. I see how his life was a sacrifice for hers, I see how God worked for the good. I look at Zion's picture and pray that his life would save another! Weather by bringing someone to faith or by adoption, whatever the case may be. We are super excited about the surrogacy and chose that path to provide hope, but the beauty of adoption is being able to help someone else. If both (adoption and surrogacy) were free and we were guaranteed a baby we would choose adoption but in this situation we felt we had more control and less risk if we went with the surrogacy...but WHO KNOWS what God has in store. We know there are more children in our future and we pray that the journey to get there would be blessed.
"My friend, you know how this all ends.
and you know where you're going
you just don't know how you'll get there.
So say a prayer and hold on
cause there's good for those who love God.
Life is not a snapshot
it might take a little time
but you'll see the bigger picture." -- Before the Morning by Josh Wilson
So please, friends...pray for us and our journey!
Of course, we'll keep you updated :)
A couple of days ago someone asked us if we would consider adopting again, OF COURSE WE WOULD!!!!!!!!!! We called the Pastor who had the information and know the following: there is a woman going to prison who is 1-2 months pregnant and looking for someone to adopt her baby...don't know much more than that. Doesn't matter, we've jumped on the opportunity and so we will meet with the Pastor and the birthmother's friend here in a few weeks who will pass info along and then the birthmother will choose a couple to adopt her baby. Of course we are jumping out of our skin, giddy, can't sleep excited about this opportunity and are super anxious to see what God has in store. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for this situation. Pray that, (God willing) the Pastor, Jane (bm's friend) and birthmother would see the love we have for children and they would trust us with this precious life. Pray for the birthmother too, she has a lot to deal with and no matter her past deserves love and prayer. I'm crying my eyes out as I write this, in awe of God's provision and splendor at just the thought of being able to adopt again. Next to our bed we have a shelf with a picture of each of our precious angel boys. I look at Elijah's picture and I see Grace. I see how his life was a sacrifice for hers, I see how God worked for the good. I look at Zion's picture and pray that his life would save another! Weather by bringing someone to faith or by adoption, whatever the case may be. We are super excited about the surrogacy and chose that path to provide hope, but the beauty of adoption is being able to help someone else. If both (adoption and surrogacy) were free and we were guaranteed a baby we would choose adoption but in this situation we felt we had more control and less risk if we went with the surrogacy...but WHO KNOWS what God has in store. We know there are more children in our future and we pray that the journey to get there would be blessed.
"My friend, you know how this all ends.
and you know where you're going
you just don't know how you'll get there.
So say a prayer and hold on
cause there's good for those who love God.
Life is not a snapshot
it might take a little time
but you'll see the bigger picture." -- Before the Morning by Josh Wilson
So please, friends...pray for us and our journey!
Of course, we'll keep you updated :)
Friday, November 5, 2010
Here, there and everywhere!
Completely random thoughts, ideas, feelings, stories & questions.
#1. Instead of making/selling rug pads separately to prevent your rugs from slipping...why don't they just make rugs that don't slip? I mean who WANTS their rug moving all over the place?
#2. Tonight Grace had the hiccups. For the first 10 or so hiccups she very politely said, "Excuse me." after every single hiccup.
#3. I laid next to Grace to pray with her before bed...she rolled over, gave me a hug and said, "We friends mommy. We friends." I cried...
#4. I am losing my voice...that has NEVER happened. I suppose after 29 years of talking, it was bound to happen.
#5. Last weekend was a little rough. I was sick, Seth's truck broke, then wasn't broken, then his saw broke, but wasn't broke, and my mom was here and she was sick and we were all thinking about how we should have been home with our new son by now. So...Monday am rolled around and Seth headed to work and Grace and I went about our normal routine. We were headed to Target (we were literally OUT of toilet paper) and stopped to see Seth, at which point he informs me his saw broke and said, "I feel like the world is crashing in on us. Why can't SOMETHING good just happen." Seth, is not exactly a dramatic person so I knew he meant business. For some reason I burst into tears, Seth got upset, packed up and we all headed home. Except to our "new house" After about an hr. there, I realized we weren't upset anymore. We were laughing and having fun. As the week went on and we spent more time at the "new house" I realized that there is a different feeling there. Of hope and happiness. Our house is filled with memories, but the ones that stand out the most are bad. We bought this house as newlyweds, both employed full time, on the go, never home, 20-somethings. We made it our own and grew into it as a family. But we aren't those people anymore. We need more space and mostly...we need to get away from the baggage here. The 2 rooms meant for our 2 sons, where they will never lay. It also makes me miss my job and all the students I worked with! At the new house, I see a constant flow of friends and family, a room big enough for twin babies :) and table to eat at! It gives us something to look forward to and...it's strange...I'm not big on "energies" and "vibes and what not...but there is definitely a different feeling....a good one. We love being there. Someone, please come buy our baggage :)
#6. Did you know there was an election on Tuesday? Of course you did! Well, I heard something very simply, yet profound on the radio on Wednesday. "The answer to America's problems is NOT political. It's spiritual." Wait a minute! You mean ONE man/woman can't solve the worlds problems? You mean, we SHOULDN'T put all our trust in another sinner's hands? You mean there is something greater than Obama? Could it be? Shesh...what if we gave up talking about Republicans, Democrats, who voted for this, who voted for that, should the government control this, should the people control that...they/we ALL suck anyway. What if instead...we prayed. Because the God I believe in is far more powerful than even Obama or the Supreme Court. The God I believe in cares about people and morals, not popularity or money. The God I believe in can fix ALL our problems with no debt, no voting and NO political commercials. Next time, let's all vote for Jesus!
#7. Flannel sheets are amazing.
#8. CHRISTMAS IS STUPID!!! That's right, I said it! Christmas is stupid. Let's be honest here, while the intent of Christmas is great and I am a BIG fan of the reason behind it what Christmas has become is pathetic and stupid! I really get a kick out of terms like "Religious Christmas cards" or "Religious Christmas decorations" I mean I thought Christmas was a religious holiday. But really Christmas is OUR holiday. It's about US, who has the best Christmas decorations, who can throw the best Christmas party, delicious food, Christmas bonuses and of course, presents. What does any of that have to do with baby Jesus being born? Other than the Wisemen brought gifts....TO JESUS...not themselves. I propose Christmas all year round. I would rather see something at a store that reminds me of someone and give it to them to simply say, "I thought of you. I love you." I propose we gather together as families on a regular basis, not because it's a holiday and we have to but because we realize the true gift of family and we want to be together. I propose hosting a Christmas party in the middle of January to get friends together to fellowship. Business should give out bonuses for citizenship and achieving goals. I've attempted to boycott Christmas the past couple years to make a point about the commercialization of it all...but when everyone buys us presents I feel pretty bad not getting anyone else anything. :) I'll confess, I like Christmas. The warm, fuzzy feeling of family in a warm house (unless you are a Shonley:), Christmas Eve church, watching my daughter's face light up with every present she opens. BUT, I don't like the worldly Christmas. I guess I'm pushing for the "Religious Christmas."
#9. Church Shopping. We've been trying to find the "right" church for us for a while now. Seth grew up in the same church his whole life where his family still attends and after working as the youth director at GLC for 5 years the concept of choosing a church to attend is still a little odd. Just trying to find out where we fit in together...as our family. I think we've finally stumbled upon something...time will tell.
#10. I LOVE Crossword puzzles. Just call me Stanley :)
#11. Yeah...my brain is slipping...enough randomness for today!
#1. Instead of making/selling rug pads separately to prevent your rugs from slipping...why don't they just make rugs that don't slip? I mean who WANTS their rug moving all over the place?
#2. Tonight Grace had the hiccups. For the first 10 or so hiccups she very politely said, "Excuse me." after every single hiccup.
#3. I laid next to Grace to pray with her before bed...she rolled over, gave me a hug and said, "We friends mommy. We friends." I cried...
#4. I am losing my voice...that has NEVER happened. I suppose after 29 years of talking, it was bound to happen.
#5. Last weekend was a little rough. I was sick, Seth's truck broke, then wasn't broken, then his saw broke, but wasn't broke, and my mom was here and she was sick and we were all thinking about how we should have been home with our new son by now. So...Monday am rolled around and Seth headed to work and Grace and I went about our normal routine. We were headed to Target (we were literally OUT of toilet paper) and stopped to see Seth, at which point he informs me his saw broke and said, "I feel like the world is crashing in on us. Why can't SOMETHING good just happen." Seth, is not exactly a dramatic person so I knew he meant business. For some reason I burst into tears, Seth got upset, packed up and we all headed home. Except to our "new house" After about an hr. there, I realized we weren't upset anymore. We were laughing and having fun. As the week went on and we spent more time at the "new house" I realized that there is a different feeling there. Of hope and happiness. Our house is filled with memories, but the ones that stand out the most are bad. We bought this house as newlyweds, both employed full time, on the go, never home, 20-somethings. We made it our own and grew into it as a family. But we aren't those people anymore. We need more space and mostly...we need to get away from the baggage here. The 2 rooms meant for our 2 sons, where they will never lay. It also makes me miss my job and all the students I worked with! At the new house, I see a constant flow of friends and family, a room big enough for twin babies :) and table to eat at! It gives us something to look forward to and...it's strange...I'm not big on "energies" and "vibes and what not...but there is definitely a different feeling....a good one. We love being there. Someone, please come buy our baggage :)
#6. Did you know there was an election on Tuesday? Of course you did! Well, I heard something very simply, yet profound on the radio on Wednesday. "The answer to America's problems is NOT political. It's spiritual." Wait a minute! You mean ONE man/woman can't solve the worlds problems? You mean, we SHOULDN'T put all our trust in another sinner's hands? You mean there is something greater than Obama? Could it be? Shesh...what if we gave up talking about Republicans, Democrats, who voted for this, who voted for that, should the government control this, should the people control that...they/we ALL suck anyway. What if instead...we prayed. Because the God I believe in is far more powerful than even Obama or the Supreme Court. The God I believe in cares about people and morals, not popularity or money. The God I believe in can fix ALL our problems with no debt, no voting and NO political commercials. Next time, let's all vote for Jesus!
#7. Flannel sheets are amazing.
#8. CHRISTMAS IS STUPID!!! That's right, I said it! Christmas is stupid. Let's be honest here, while the intent of Christmas is great and I am a BIG fan of the reason behind it what Christmas has become is pathetic and stupid! I really get a kick out of terms like "Religious Christmas cards" or "Religious Christmas decorations" I mean I thought Christmas was a religious holiday. But really Christmas is OUR holiday. It's about US, who has the best Christmas decorations, who can throw the best Christmas party, delicious food, Christmas bonuses and of course, presents. What does any of that have to do with baby Jesus being born? Other than the Wisemen brought gifts....TO JESUS...not themselves. I propose Christmas all year round. I would rather see something at a store that reminds me of someone and give it to them to simply say, "I thought of you. I love you." I propose we gather together as families on a regular basis, not because it's a holiday and we have to but because we realize the true gift of family and we want to be together. I propose hosting a Christmas party in the middle of January to get friends together to fellowship. Business should give out bonuses for citizenship and achieving goals. I've attempted to boycott Christmas the past couple years to make a point about the commercialization of it all...but when everyone buys us presents I feel pretty bad not getting anyone else anything. :) I'll confess, I like Christmas. The warm, fuzzy feeling of family in a warm house (unless you are a Shonley:), Christmas Eve church, watching my daughter's face light up with every present she opens. BUT, I don't like the worldly Christmas. I guess I'm pushing for the "Religious Christmas."
#9. Church Shopping. We've been trying to find the "right" church for us for a while now. Seth grew up in the same church his whole life where his family still attends and after working as the youth director at GLC for 5 years the concept of choosing a church to attend is still a little odd. Just trying to find out where we fit in together...as our family. I think we've finally stumbled upon something...time will tell.
#10. I LOVE Crossword puzzles. Just call me Stanley :)
#11. Yeah...my brain is slipping...enough randomness for today!
Found this in our flower boxes. WHAT THE HECK IS IT??????????????
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